How to Minister to the Bereaved: A Guide for Clergy and Lay Leaders

Grief is sacred ground.

For those of us called to ministry—whether as pastors, deacons, chaplains, or lay leaders—walking alongside the bereaved is one of the most tender, weighty responsibilities we carry. In times of loss, people aren't just looking for words; they’re searching for God. They need presence. Compassion. And a reminder that even in sorrow, they are not alone.

As the Minister of Membership Nurture at The Greater Allen Cathedral of New York, I’ve had the honor of supporting hundreds of families through their darkest hours. Here are five principles I’ve learned over the years to help anyone minister effectively to the grieving:

1. Show Up—Not Just at the Funeral

Your presence matters more than your preaching. A quick phone call, hospital visit, or even sitting quietly with someone can speak louder than a sermon. Ministry doesn’t always look like a microphone. It often looks like showing up with a warm meal, a box of tissues, and a listening ear.

“Weep with those who weep.” —Romans 12:15

2. Don’t Rush the Process

There is no timetable for grief. Avoid clichés like “they’re in a better place” or “God needed another angel.” While meant to comfort, these phrases can feel dismissive. Instead, give people permission to feel—to question, cry, or sit in silence. Hold space for their emotions without judgment or the need to fix them.

3. Offer Practical Help

The death of a loved one often brings logistical chaos. Help families by offering to coordinate meals, communicate with funeral homes, or assist with church arrangements. Sometimes “ministry” is filling out forms or making that hard phone call on their behalf.

4. Be Spiritually Grounded

Grieving hearts look to spiritual leaders for hope. Stay prayerful and rooted in Scripture so that what you offer flows from a place of wisdom and not just empathy. Share appropriate Scriptures, pray specifically, and speak life even in loss.

5. Follow Up After the Funeral

The crowd disappears after the burial, but grief lingers. Make a note to check in during the first holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries. A simple “thinking of you today” can minister deeply months after the funeral is over.

Final Thoughts

Ministering to the bereaved is not about having all the answers—it’s about being present, being real, and pointing them gently toward the God who heals broken hearts.

If you’re a ministry leader looking for more support or tools to guide your congregation through grief, I invite you to explore my book: Healer of A Broken Heart: A Minister’s Guide to Eulogies—written to equip ministers with the spiritual and practical tools needed to serve families with compassion and care.

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~Rev. Nichole L. Edness

Minister of Membership NurtureThe Greater Allen Cathedral of New York